Chinese Spy Balloon Data Useless due to Parking Minimums

WASHINGTON – Initial CIA intel coming in show Chinese leadership is very frustrated with the lack of data collected from the Chinese surveillance balloon shot down on February 4th, 2023, and the reason is due to parking minimums. “The mission was a failure. Nearly every aerial photograph taken of the hundreds of United States cities and towns we flew over was just acres upon acres of empty parking lots,” commented People's Republic of China’s Foreign Ministry Spokesperson Zhao Lijian. “Even if we bombed the United States, it is very likely based on how much of their land is dedicated to parking from irrational parking minimums, that it will not be effective because 99% of the bombs will land in empty parking lots which will probably help their cities instead of hurting them,” stated Xi Jinping, President of the People's Republic of China. “We will wait to see if this parking minimum reform continues to sweep their nation before we consider any further attack,” stated Jinping. The United States may have finally found a benefit of parking minimums.